I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
