Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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