you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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