so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
