i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's blow job season.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
