Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
