i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
