I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
