where am i from again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
