just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize