Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
