I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
