More tranny stories later!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
