I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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