remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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