I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
