Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
