the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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