hell yes lets make some ravioli
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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