I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you would pick up someone in the library
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize