god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
