And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
