even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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