I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize