love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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