3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
