i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize