Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What a dumb baby whore.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
