I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
