Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
