Sponge bath it is.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
