I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
