I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
