She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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