So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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