He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
