he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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