go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
