As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
