hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize