I cannot find my penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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