im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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