Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
