while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
