eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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