I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
