He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
