soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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