i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
