My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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