dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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