The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
