I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
