Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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