Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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