do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
