what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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