Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
