just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
