The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
